Diners are for 4 pm breakfasts, dummy.

There's much to talk about people. I haven't posted since LAST TUESDAY. That's some whacky stuff right there. Where've I been, you ask? Let's see. Here's the list:

1. Wednesday was spent baking Mom Mom Mare's famous cheesecake followed up by baking my first ever attempt at an apple pie. Both turned out good, thankfully, since the in-laws were the guinea pigs for those two taste treats. After I made the desserts, Pauly requested my famous spicy long hot fried peppers for the Thanksgiving appetizer, so I had to get them going and bake the tiny toasts that go with them. Pretty much, my day was spent in the kitchen. Howard Eskin would be proud of me. (Sidebar: I loathe Howard Eskin and anything that leaves his mouth. I hope he's reading this and realizes he's soooo NOT HOT and completely ridiculous.)

2. Thursday was Turkey Day of course. I spent the morning with the newspaper spread out on the table studying, mapping, and creating my game plan for the upcoming events of Black Friday (enter the soothing harpsichord music and tiny floating cherubs...). After my newspaper mania, we packed up all our baked goodies and headed up to the Poconos for a Thanksgiving celebration with Pauly's family. We pretty much had to chow and plow since I was allllll about getting home and getting a few hours of shut eye before the BIG SHOW started.

3. THE BIG DAY. At 2:50 am on Black Friday, I woke up, took a mini-shower (which means I dodged in and out of the droplets so I didn't get my hair wet), put on a baseball cap, and headed out the door to pick up a few other Mommy Bloggers and hit the stores. We were out and shopping by 3:55 am. It was fantabulous. Here's what Kohl's looked like when we pulled up at 4:05 am:

4. At one point in the day, we thought we had seen it all. We had seen women with no makeup, people walking around with boxes piled so high you couldn't see their faces, and a few babies out shopping with their parents at 4:30 in the morning (how ridiculous!). Then, we went to Walmart. Seems that Walmart can always top them all, huh? Here's what we found in the Walmart parking lot:

Yep, that's right. A Winnie. Somebody was so intent on getting into Walmart before anyone else that they chose to park their Winnie in the parking lot on Thanksgiving, feast on some Wawa turkey hoagies, and then catch a few winks in their comfy Winnie bunks. How bizarre. Sorry, I'd rather pay an extra $20 for my Leapster and sleep in my own bed, go wee wee in my own potty, and have a nice warm shower in my own palace. They can take the Winnie and their bargains. I'm just not that hardcore. Oh, and thanks Jenn and Shannon for the sweet pose next to the rockin' Winnie. At least you guys made it look a little cuter.

5. Flash forward to today, Sunday. We all slept in pretty late because the cold, yucky rain is a real bummer. Once again, my bones just won't warm up. We decided to go to a model train museum in Phoenixville so Zeke could have a bit of indoor fun. It was really excellent. Congrats to all of the men who work so hard to make the model railroad so cool and so much fun. After the railroad museum, we stopped at the Paoli Diner for a bite to eat. It was on the way home and well, I just wanted a place where Zeke could get pancakes and be happy. Guess who walked in while we were there??? Hurricane Schwartz. I was all set - camera in hand - to grab a picture for my bloggity blog blog, when I realized that he was....gulp....a jerk. He barely said a word to the waiter and never even exchanged pleasantries when approached. The woman sitting with him was pretty much a female Hurricane - all pasty and skinny and icky - and they sat there holding hands over the table. Now for the good part, folks. And this is when you'll be happy that A) Hurricane sat in the booth directly diagonal from mine, and B) I have really good hearing and listened intently to every word they were saying. The good part...Hurricane Schwartz ordered LEG OF LAMB!!!!!!! What the heck is THAT??? Who orders leg of lamb in a DINER???? The placement of Hurricane's dinner order leads me to believe one thing about this joke of a weatherman: he, in his ridiculous meterologically clouded (no pun intended) tiny (because he IS very, very tiny folks...) mind, thinks that the Paoli Diner is fine dining!!! I mean, leg of lamb, holding hands over the table? Those two things for me happen at Le Chic Foo-Foo....NOT THE PAOLI DINER. Oh Hurricane. You are sad. You are a tiny, pale, un-handsome, unfriendly, mean-to-waitstaff, leg of lamb ordering buffoon. Just goes to show you...money doesn't buy you taste or taste buds. Only gimmicky bow ties.

I'll take the white meat.

It's time people. Time to stretch my arms and legs, limber up, do some push-ups, and get on my shopping shoes. It's just about BLACK FRIDAY. And as you may have guessed...I'm allllll about doing the Black Friday shopping trip. The pre-shopping festivities start tomorrow with the arrival of the newspaper (Pauly, don't you DARE bring that newspaper to work with you...), only to be followed by the sprawling out on the floor and researching each and every ad to map out my plan of attack. This year's B.F. shopping will be a bit different - I'm not flying solo like I usually do. Instead, a bunch of playgroup mommies are going to meet up and join forces to scour the sales together. I've never B.F. shopped with others before because I like the freedom of flying here then there then back again whenever the mood hits me. But, I have to say, there's safety in numbers and on B.F., it's definitely "professionals only"...and that can sometimes get nasty. I have a feeling that if things get dicey out there in Toys 'R Us or Circuit City, Shannon McMayhem will start throwing elbows that nobody will see coming. Jenn? Well, I think she can handle herself in a line full of insanity given her day-to-day schedule. Sarah? Oh yeah. She's got what it takes to do the B.F. rounds. If anyone besides myself is a professional shopper, it's Sarah. She can find a box of safety pins in a Super Walmart in 6 seconds flat. Ask her, time her, she'll do it.

So, I'm ready. I've got my mommy posse lined up and I'll have my newspaper in hand tomorrow. All I'll need is a few good hours of sleep on Thursday night and by Friday I'll have my sneakers on, my baseball cap hiding a really bad looking head of hair (hello! wake up call is 4:00 am!), and my hot tea in hand ready to shop 'til I drop. If you're thinking of venturing out on Friday but have never been, here's my advice to you: don't do it. We're the professionals. Leave it to us. It's our day to shine. Stay home and do your laundry, catch up on a good book, or just hang out and clear out your old emails. It'll be a jungle out there...and we won't have time for a good breakfast - you amateurs make a nice snack while we wait in line.

You mean you don't deliver and set-up? But...I'll pay you...

This weekend was a blur. The only thing reminding me that a weekend actually occurred is the aching back I'm experiencing from hauling a ton of crappy Ikea boxes up to Zeke's room. Here's the sitch: we decided we were going to get Zekey-poo a cool loft-style bed so that he'd be able to sleep up on the bunk bed and hang out down below and have a desk with his computer and t.v., etc. I mean, after all, a 3-year-old needs a place to check email, read the NY Times, catch up on his blogs, Facebook, etc. He simply needed a cooler setup in his room. So, off we went on Saturday to Raymour & Flanigan. I found a nice set, one that I thought would fit nicely and would work out great. Big problem? It wouldn't be delivered for 4 weeks. We decided to go check Crap-kea (Ikea) to see what they had. Sadly, Zeke fell in love with a lofty bed there. Why "sadly" you ask? SADLY BECAUSE THE GIHUGIC LOFT BED COMES IN 2 HUGE BOXES THAT BARELY FIT IN MY SUV, WEIGH ABOUT 1,345 POUNDS, AND TAKES ABOUT 11 HOURS TO ASSEMBLE. What a nightmare. We decided to wait until Sunday to tackle the big assembly task. We'd be fresh and ready to go. At 9 a.m. on Sunday we started. At about 9:30 p.m. on Sunday we finished. And that's the very, very, very condensed version of the Ikea Loft Bed Assembly Story. The long version of the story isn't nice at all. Pauly and I argued, rolled eyes, walked out of the room, took time outs in separate rooms, each drank a few alcoholic drinks to take the edge off, and then finally....finished the lofty loft bed. At 9:30. At night. After about 12 hours of working on it. While Pauly missed the Eagles game. Hee hee. That was the best part of the story. I'm glad I didn't leave that out...

'Snow way I'm liking this.

As soon as I typed the title for this post, I realized how cheezy is was. **sigh** There's just been nothing too awesome about today, so an uncool blog posting title is the cherry on top of my poop sundae. It snowed today. A lot. And it's still technically fall. I hate the snow. I hate the cold weather. It makes me, well, really, really cold. My bones have been cold since about last Thursday and I can't seem to get them warmed up. Add 4 or 5 inches of snow and wet, muddy muck to the equation and I'll be a Nancy-sicle until June. No fun. Of course Zeke thinks it's great...which adds another crappy dimension to my cold weather blues. You see, I can't simply stay indoors and hate the weather. Nope. I have to be outside in it, playing in it, sledding in it, rolling it into giant, ridiculous snowpeople...all the while freezing the first 16 layers of skin off of my poor skeleton. Tomorrow I'm stocking up on tea, hot cocoa, and a new pair of warm boots. Ew.

Christmas is coming...

Thanks to Val at Stinky John Jones for reminding me of the awesome Elf Yourself videos!!! Check out our family video above. So sorry to my sweet, sweet Timmy. I only had room for two of my chihuahuas and Otto and Simon made the cut. Don't worry Tim, you're still a rockstar in our household!

You'll get coal and like it.

Santa Claus. Santa Claws. At least that's how Zeke is spelling his name this year. It's a no-go for the big man in red, I'm afraid. Here's the deal: we caught our first glimpse of him at the King of Prussia Mall this weekend and it's wasn't good. Apparently, ho-ho-ho is a big no-no-no until, and I quote, "I get older" (they're Zeke's words, not mine). So, we decided to just make a list and email it (oh, puleeze, snail mail is just too, well, slllloooooowwww...) to Santa instead of doing a face-to-face this year. We may even text it to him just to be sure he gets it the minute we're through the editing phase. Problem is....FINISHING THE LIST. Everyday, a dozen new things are added. I simply can't type as fast as Zeke can talk. Oh, and on the topic of talking...he has informed me that Santa will need to bring him his own cell phone so he can call Rocco and Caleb because "he needs to stay in touch". Wow. What's it gonna' be next year when he's 4??? An SUV so he can pick up his posse for a playdate??? Bluetooth so he can chat hands free while playing with his train set??? Who knows where it'll go from here, but I can't imagine it'll get easier (or less expensive...). Hold onto your wallet Pauly. You're in for a wild ride...

And you thought Snickers were nutty...

Hey Val (Stinky John Jones): ok, so you're all doggity-dog-dogged over there, right? And chi-chi is the name of your game, too? I'm likin' it, I'm likin' it. What I'm cracking up over even more is the super secret mission that's about to take place in your neck of the woods. For anyone who's not in the know, let me fill you in. Val is going to pull the wool over Mr. Stinky John Jones's eyes. It's gonna' be a good one. I have to say, I've done it before, twice, with about a 50% success rate. You see, Val is about to add a pet to the Stinky John Jones household WITHOUT telling Mr. John Jones. AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHHHAAAAHHAHAHAHA! My experience with this tactic is varied. I brought home Timmy, our 2nd chi-chi, with no pre-warning whatsoever. Pauly was stunned. But Timmy was such a little pile of lovin' that Pauly couldn't play tough guy. He was smitten as a kitten. Second time around was about 3 months ago when the parakeets made their debut. Didn't go as smoothly since cute and cuddly don't describe Buddy and Viper. Here's the thing tho: Pauly doesn't have it in him to kick a living thing out of our house. And that, my friends, is why he's Mr. Three's Company!!! The parakeets stayed and Pauly got extra big dinners for a month. So, Val, here's the deal...Mr. John Jones must have the animal-lovin' gene in him or I don't think you'd be his wifey-poo. GO FOR IT. Get your 2nd chi-chi and give lil' Chili a buddy. As a matter of fact, here's the perfect pooch for you (compliments of Petfinder.com:)

Romeo (part chi-chi/part affenpincher and 4 huge pounds of lovin'..) is currently up for adoption and actually said he'd love to meet an overweight, cream-colored, pink-sweatband-wearing chi-chi this weekend!!! Log on to Petfinder ASAP and make Romeo's dreams come true!!!! He sure is a looker...

Oooooh...I love mail.

So Val of Stinky John Jones fame has been playing this game "Pay it Forward". I think the game rocks! Pretty much all you do is leave a comment on whichever blog is currently playing the game, tell them you really, really want to play...and voila!, a lil' while later you get cool stuff in the mail like this:

I guess you can't really tell what the cool stuff is, but let me tell you all about it: just for playing Pay it Forward, Stinky John Jones sent me a super neat clip on book light, ultra-needed photo paper, yummy lip balm, and fabalicious udder cream for my, uh, hands (no, not my udders, all you smarty-pants out there...). Now it's my turn! The first 3 peeps who comment to this posting telling me they want to play will receive a little token of my appreciation in the mail too! All I'll ask of them is to PAY IT FORWARD! It's so nice - people in our blogosphere everywhere will start to remember what important people they are and just how much we all really, really like each other! How cool is that???? So get commenting...maybe you'll get a little care package in the mail. Wouldn't that be awesome???

S is for sleepy, that's good enough for me.

I never like Mondays. I usually just try to get through them with minimal damage. Sometimes, though, I get crazy and play the reverse psychology game on myself and try super hard to get tons of stuff done just to act like a big shot. Thennnnnnn I get to say that Mondays are for the real winners in life who can't wait to go out there and get the shidizzle done...just like me. *****yawn***** Today wasn't a Reverse Psychology Monday. Today you won't hear a peep out of me about conquering the world in 3 easy steps. Or even battling the overflowing basket of whites while texting, IMing, and emailing 7 of your nearest and dearest. Today I actually...............TOOK A NAP. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. Yep. I said it. Now I'm gonna' go say 10 Hail Mary's and an Our Father to make myself feel even slightly worthy of this industrious bloggity blog. I never nap. And even if I did, I wouldn't call it a nap, I'd call it a "rebooting of the brain". But really, I can't nap in the daytime. I fear the nap. I fear the quiet and mostly I fear the lack of "getting stuff done". A fifteen minute nap??? I could have cleaned out a closet and my rolling dumpster (car) by the time you were saying "wakey, wakey, cornflakey". In my Virgo-a-go-go mind, I've got to zoom. And to zoom, there's no time for the recharge. Recharging takes place behind the steering wheel in the form of caffeinated tea. But today, I slipped. My body wilted under me and it happened. My opinion of the nap now? Amazingly it's the same. I won't nap again. I feel as though I lost 39 minutes of today to nothing. Thirty-nine minutes with which I could have changed the world. Or at least emptied my dishwasher...

Getting on with getting on...

Everywhere I look I see Obama. I guess it's a fact. He's going to be our new president and I have to live with it. I'm not going to be a hater or B.O. basher. I'm going to try to find the positives and simply dwell on them. I worry tho. I worry about 60 cent...and you know who you are. How ARE you doing??? Your last phone message was, well, sad. Deflated. Beaten. Oh 60, it will be ok. Maybe it will only be 4 years. In the meantime, you still have 80 degree Novembers and short-sleeved winters. There should be no sadness for you, my friend. One thing, though. If you do decide to cross the border, please give us a forwarding address. You wouldn't want your awesome Christmas present going to the wrong place now, would you??? My advice: go for a nice long swim and forget your worries. When you come up for air, maybe it will time for another election.

TGIF

We stopped on the way home from school yesterday to see Neighbor Horse. He must have been in the barn, since it was a rainy day. On the way down the road back to our house, we came upon Cloudy. Cloudy is usually down in the lower pasture and out of sight, so it was a pleasure to get to stop and give her an apple and a hug. Lucky us! Isn't she a beauty??? Hey, Cloudy, wanna' come over to our yard and play???? Pauly won't notice another pet hanging around...

After a long day of school and playing, Zeke fell asleep all snuggled up with a friend. Check it out:

P.S. - Yes, Zeke has tons of pajamas, but simply won't wear them to bed. He sweats like a fat, old man if he does. Ew. Oh, and notice the two lovebirds holding hands in their sleep. Heehee.

You're talking about MY kid?

Today I heard some words that rocked my world. I heard that my kid was smart. "Very intelligent", to be exact. And that compliment came from none other than his teacher. Much, much, much to my surprise, since the last thing I had heard from her was that Zeke had literally "hit her in the leg because he was on time out from the sandbox for hitting someone in the head with a shovel". When I had been put on notice that I was going to be receiving a phone call from said teacher, the "oh my God's" filled my bod. I knew what was coming, but I didn't know what form it would take. Was it a sandbox incident, did something go down in the play dough section, or was there a rough and tumble chalk board situation to be dealt with? Zeke has been known to use chalk as a weapon in the past and well, I wouldn't put it past him to do it again, unfortunately. But no. It was none of the above. The phone rang. My heart sank. I cleared my throat and gave my best cheery mom hello. There was small talk, then it got to the point. I was told that although there are major "issues" with Zeke's loudness in the classroom (apparently he really needs to learn to use an indoor voice...duh, no kidding...my ears are scabbed internally), he seems to be quite bright and extremely intelligent. Ms. Teacher Lady wants to work with me to find ways to stimulate Ol' Zekey Pants and keep things freshy-fresh-fresh for him. Holy Mother of Poo. I had to pinch myself. Surely she wasn't talking about the kid who still carries around the tee-tee blanket and drinks a gallon of chocolate milk every other day??? But, yeah, she was. My world became fuzzy and I got giddy. I felt like I had eaten about 187 Hershey Bars with almonds and washed them down with 34 Red Bulls. Sweet little angelic cherubs started to float out of the phone and I swear I could hear them softly playing their harps and violins. Instantly, my skin got softer and I lost those 20 pounds I've been meaning to lose for 5 1/2 years now. The entire world just got completely....nicer. As she spoke about me needing to work on the "indoor/outdoor voice" stuff with Zeke, I think I would give her an occasional "uh-huh", but really all I could hear were those sounds that Charlie Brown would hear when he was in school : wah-wah-wah-wah-wah. All I knew was that I finally heard what I yearned to hear for a long time...Zeke's head has something in it other than bricks. It's not made of marshmallow fluff or the stuff that's in the middle of Oreos. Because most days, that's really what it feels like to me...

He's all man, baby.

I'VE BEEN SOOOOO CONFUSED.

.

Hmmmmh. Wow. Can't believe it. So, let me get this straight...I have to do ANOTHER retraction of yet ANOTHER post? One mistake is one thing, but two mistakes..in a row...well that goes into the category of "head up your butt". However, yes, I'm in the precarious position of needing to make a re-retraction (or is it an "un-retraction"???) of my November 5th post regarding the um, "femaleness", of the dear Chili the Chihuahua who was one of the supermodels in my Election Day Rant post. Let me just clarify Chili's gender, once and for all, so that we can give full genderific credit where 'tis due. Sir Chili is a he. Or maybe an "it"? Whatever. CHILI WAS BORN INTO THIS WORLD A BOY. What happened to Chili's privates (ballies, nuggets, or whatever other kid-friendly name you Mommy Bloggers out there have given them) is none of my concern. Chili used to be all man. And that's that. DON'T ask me why Val of Stinky John Jones fame chose to outfit her testosterone laden chi-chi with a pink sweatband during one of his exercise ball workouts...it's beyond me. Doesn't she know she has already toyed with his emotions enough by removing his "manhoods" already? Now a PINK sweatband? Enough with this retraction posting...I'm onto something more important. It's time to rally the troops and Save The Chi-Chi. Chili should have a BLUE sweatband. If Val cares at ALLLL for sweet Chili dog (hold the cheese), she'll email me her address so Zeke and I can send the appropriate workout gear for the hot dog (hold the bun) that he is...

My first retraction...so sorry Ms. Chili

I've never been in this predicament before. But then again, I've never been a professional blogger. Or, I guess I should just say "blogger", huh? God knows there are no pesos coming in from this gig...

Anywhooooo, I have a very serious retraction to make to my post of November 4, 2008. It seems I lacked judgment and assumed a bit too much from the picture below. We allllll know what assuming does now, don't we? The chi-chi below who was so kind as to serve as a model for my rant and rave regarding my election night woes was mistakenly referred to as a...gulp..."he". Chili is most definitely NOT a "he". Chili, of Stinky John Jones fame is all woman I tell ya'. And how do I know this (aside from a very distraught Val sending me comment lovin')?




Welllllll....look here below at this 2nd photo of Chili. Had I seen this one first I most definitely would have known he was a "she". I would have recognized a set of birthing hips like that ANYWHERE. Sorry, chi chi Chili. They say mid-section flab is the toughest to fight and it looks like yours is up for the battle...

P.S. Once again, my thanks to Val and Chili at Stinky John Jones for the excellent mugshots. I think Chili is perfect - muffin-top and all.

So many emotions throughout election night.

I watched and waited tonight. Can you see the eagerness in my eyes??? I held my breath as they counted the votes from each state and colored in their silly little maps on CNN...

I could feel it in the air. The "change" they've spoken about for so long was approaching. My anger grew...

Then my guilt set in for feeling so angry. Obama SEEMS like a nice enough guy. He has two really cute little girls...and his wife seems very nice....and maybe, just maybe they'll have a dog in the white house....

I don't know...I still feel betrayed by the American people. Idiots. They're all idiots!!! I should just return to Mexico and find my own true kind....ahhhhhhh, one can dream.....

Ay carramba!!! What am I thinking???? All this losing has got me muy loco! I don't know what to do or to think...


Bllleeeeeeeehhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I hate looking like a loser. I really wanted to win this election tonight. I think I'll just put on these here glasses and go undercover for a few years...


NO. I will not go down in flames. I will stand proud in my vote and my country. God bless our nation and our new leader. Let's hope the change he speaks of is true and needed. Now, can someone fetch me a snacky.



P.S. out to Val at Stinky John Jones- Chili is lookin' like a supermodel up there, huh? I hit her up on her celly earlier this evening to get her verbal permission to use her likeness in this post. It's all good. She thinks it will further her modeling gigs.

Noise pollution.

It's Election Day 2008. I should be wearing my best red, white, and blue cheesy sweater...or at least some starry fuzzy socks or something. But I'm not even really tuned into the whole Obama/McCain thing yet. Now don't get me wrong - I for sure voted earlier today. I wouldn't have missed that for anything. But something else has my head in a frenzy. Are you ready for this? Hold onto your hats, folks...playgroup was at my house today. Yup. I said it. At my house. And currently I'm still searching around for a few of the molars and eye teeth that were shaken from the very roots in my gums due to the insane noise levels that were coming from my basement during that playgroup. Throbbing is an accurate description of my entire being. I don't know how people do it who have more than one kid. It's two too many hands, feet, eyes, and most importantly...one too many mouths. Kids are loud. And you get a group of them together...it's like mixing ammonia and bleach. Ya' know what that gets you????? Mustard gas, people. And mustard gas will kill you...just like a bunch of toddlers in one room will. Here's the chemical equation: 4 toddlers + 4 toddlers + 1 playroom +lots of toys = instant parental death. It's gaseous, noxious, and ugly.

So there it is. Election Day was a bit on the loud side for me today and not because I was cheering McCain on. Maybe I'll rally tonight and get my cheers going for him. It looks like he's going to need them. :(

I'M A TOP MOMMA! CHECK IT OUT..

So, yeah, I made the Top Momma front page. I'm pretty pumped up about it. How completely deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeskins. Go check it out...my button is the big 'ol toothy one - you'll see it, I'm sure. I posted that pic a while back when Zeke bit one of his friends (still really sorry about that Mikey...).

Go find our toothy button here Top Momma and click on it to get back to my site. I guess it seems stupid to keep clicking back and forth, but, well, it's just cool that Top Momma dug my shizzle...

Double trouble.

I was out shopping the other day and came across this license plate. I was so stoked to see another ZEKE in the world that I had to snap the pic and post it. Check it out:

Screamfest '08 (or Halloween 2008).

We made our way through another Halloweenie. It may not have been in complete style (#1: I wasn't too fond of the overpriced RIDICULOUS Thomas costume that Zeke insisted on wearing, and #2: cactus thorns. Anyone who was within a 5 miles radius of our trick-or-treating zone knows that Zeke mistakenly rubbed up against a huge cactus in someone's garden and was impaled by about 7 or 10 thorns. Why a 5 mile radius you ask? Well, the ear piercing screams traveled from Exton to Chestnut Hill and back down to Newark, Delaware...or so I was told. It was Halloween mayhem in all it's glory). Aside from the insanity, fun was had. Zeke also had his Halloween parade at his school which was extremely cute and thankfully, uneventful. Check my pix from all of the action:

So much pumpkiny fun.

On Saturday, October 25th we went to the Great Pumpkin Carve in Chadds Ford. It was so much fall fun that I wish every weekend could be Halloweenie!!! Check out my two favorite pumpkins (and no, I don't mean Pauly and Zeke...):